Miami (Fla.) Schedule Too Much to Handle

THE COLLEGES Miami (Fla.)’s grueling schedule is taking its toll. After the gutty little Hurricanes had gone up against such merciless foes as Miami (O.), Miami (Okla.) and Miami (Ore.), they barely got past (2-9) Virginia Tech, 13-27.

Then they were outgained in a 14-24 decision over Toledo to qualify for No. 1. While they play a recent loser, Notre Dame, this Saturday on the last weekend of the Bottom Ten college race, it’s too soon to tell whether they’ll be able to fight off a bid by No. 2 Georgia Tech, the Ever Rambling Wreck.

Meanwhile, UCLA moved up to No. 3 after Bottom Ten investigators learned that the Men of Troy Aikman lost by 4 to USC, which previously lost by 7 to Oregon, which lost by 14 to Cal, which lost by 7 to Minnesota, which lost by 1 to Indiana, which lost by 24 to Michigan State.

Good thing the Ruins didn’t make the Rose Bowl or they’d be at least 57-point underdogs against Michigan State.

THE RANKINGS

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Miami (9-0) 294-307, Toledo* Notre Dame 2. Ga. Tech (2-8) 6-33, Wake Forest Georgia 3. UCLA (9-2) 13-17 Roses Aloha 4. (Tie)Kan.(1-9-1) 7-19, Missouri No Bowl 4. K-State (0-10-) 0-41, Colorado No Bowl 6. Brown (7-3) Def.Colum, 19-16 No Bowl 7. Houston (3-6-1) TiedT.Tech,10-10 Rice 8. Loss Miss (3-8) 20-30, Miss St No Bowl 9. N.C.St (4-7)** 31-34, Va. No Bowl 10. Nebraska (9-1) 7-17, Orange Colorado

11. Ohio State Administration; 12. Purdon’t (3-7-1); 13. Akron (4-7); 14. (Tie) William & Mary (5-6) and Bobby Knight & The Soviets (inc.); 16. Duke (5-6); 17.-20. Pentagon (Army, Navy, Air Force, Gen. George Washington State (18-24).

*Total yards.

**But cross-country team was fourth best in the nation.

ROUT OF THE WEEK: Notre Dame (8-2) over Miami (Fla.) (9-0).

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK (U.S.): Houston (3-6-1) vs. Rice (2-8).

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK (Japan): Washington State (3-7) vs. Cal (3-6-1), Saturday in Tokyo. (Rooter buses leave each school on Thursday.)

WHO SAYS IT’S EASY TO SPELL U-S-C?: USC students apprehended trying to change the HOLLYWOOD sign to read USCWOOD reportedly were having trouble making an S.

THE PROS All fans of No. 1 Tampa Bay can hope for is that maybe the team will take a promising quarterback in the next draft. The Buccaneers apparently don’t have one now, though rookie Vinny Testaverde has blossomed as a clipboard-carrier.

The Buccaneers (2-5 in regular-season play) fell again, 10-24, this time to San Francisco, which may have the find of the year in a strike-ball quarterback named Joe Montana.

Meanwhile, the No. 2 Detroit Edsels, running on all two cylinders, were clobbered, 10-30, by Chicago, which as recently as a week ago “stunk,” according to the Dancing Bears’ own coach.

Remember Philadelphia Coach Buddy Ryan’s boast that his Beagles would gain twice as many yards against the Columbus (O.) Cardinals as the 213 achieved by the Lambs’ Charlie White? Well, Philly gained 60. Bad Beagles! You sleep outside tonight!

THE RANKINGS

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Tampa Bay (4-6) 10-24, S.Frncisco L.A. Lambs 2. Detroit (2-8) 10-30, Chicago Kansas City 3. Irwindale (3-7) 17-23, Denvelway Seattle 4. K.C. Leafs (1-9) 3-23, Green Bay Detroit 5. Philadelphia (4-6) 19-31,Colum(O) New England

6. Atlantis (2-8); 7. L.A. Lambs (3-7); 8. Cincinnati (3-7); 9. N.Y. Ants (3-7); 10. Dallas (5-5 since Pam Ewing left the show).

ROUT OF THE WEEK: Irwindale (3-7) at Seattle (7-3), Monday night.

TURKEY OF THE WEEK: Kansas City (1-9) at Detroit (2-8) on Thanksgiving Day television (remember, take only small portions).