Penn State: A Fair-to-Middling Team

THE COLLEGES

(Editor’s Note: The college Bottom Ten selectors are taking a post-election vacation. Substituting this week are the Middle Ten selectors.)

You hear plenty about the perennial powerhouses, such as UTEP (9-2), and even about the perennial flowerhouses, such as Columbia (1-8). But what about the average school, the team next door, the member of the National Collegiate Athletic Assn.’s silent majority--the one that is, at best, an “early season test” for a real contender?

The supreme example is Penn State (5-5), a bland team with generic uniforms and generic offensive formations, playing out of a small Pennsylvania town, coached by a guy named Joe.

You’ll probably never see Penn State in a bowl game, but the Middle Ten selectors salute the Nittany Lions for what they do best--show up for the kickoff on time.

The Middle Ten Rankings:

Team, Record Last Bore Next Bore 1. Penn State (5-5) 7-14, Pitt Notre Dame 2. Kentucky (5-5) 19-24, Florida Tennessee 3. Cal (5-5) 27-28, Wash. Stanford 4. Air Force (5-5) 31-49, BYU UTEP 5. Mem. St. (5-5) d. Tulsa, 26-20 Vanderbilt 6. Baylor (5-5) d. Rice, 20-10 Texas 7. Maryland (5-5) 25-49, Clemson Virginia 8. Wyo. (10-1)* 10-34, Houston Hawaii 9. Iowa State (5-5) d. Kansas St., 16-7 Oklahoma State 10. Iowa (5-3-3) t. Ohio St., 24-24 Minneha

11. Utah (5-5); 12. Weber State (5-5); 13. Arizona State (3-3 in conference); 14. Ohio State (4-5-1); 15. Illinois (5-4-1); 16. Texas (4-5); 17. Pentagon (land, sea) (11-8); 18. Idle; 19. BYU (1-1 in November); 20. Electoral College.

*Wyoming isn’t ordinary in one department: The Cowboys allowed their quarterback to be sacked 16 times Saturday.

AVERAGE GAME OF THE WEEK: Baylor (5-5) vs. Texas (4-5).

ROUT OF THE WEEK: USC (9-0) by 70 points over UCLA (9-1) (UCLA lost by 4 to Washington State, which lost by 15 to Oregon, which lost by 1 to Arizona State, which lost by 50 to USC).

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Cal State Sacramento running back Don Hair, who scored 4 touchdowns in a 60-0 victory, on his Cal Lutheran opponents: “They were real gentlemen about it.”

THE PROS

New Jerseyites know well what season is here. It’s swoon-time for their home team, the Jets. Time to submerge into the Meadowlands swamps.

The ex-New Yorkers were pummeled by merciless Doug Flutie and the New England Patriots, 14-13, Sunday. And since we’ve just passed the second week of November, they’re naturally on a 2-game losing streak.

Like Reggie Jackson, the Jets are Mr. October. Unfortunately, they’ve gone on to post records of 11-14 in November and 4-12 in December under Coach Joe Walton.

The Jets figure to represent the Swoon Conference in the Bottom Ten pro playoffs, where they will probably play the Alamo Bay Cowboys (2-9) in the opening round. The Cowboys were edged, 3-43, by Minnesota Sunday but later explained they had nine players out with a computer virus.

The Rankings: SWOON CONFERENCE

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. N.J. Jets (15-26)* 13-14, N.E. Buffalo

*Record in November and December under Coach Joe Walton.

BAY CONFERENCE

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Alamo Bay (2-9) 3-43, Minnesota Cincinnati 2. Green Bay (2-9) 13-20, Indy Detroit 3. Pitt Bay (2-9) 26-27, Phila. Cleveland 4. Tampa Bay (3-8) d. Detroit, 23-20 Chicago 5. Miami Bay (5-6) 6-31, Buffalo New England

LAND CONFERENCE

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Detroit (2-9) D. Rogers W. Fontes 2. San Fran. (6-5) 3-9, Irwindale Washington 3. Atlantis (3-8) 7-10, San Diego Irwindale 4. San Diego (3-8) d. Atlantis, 10-7 Los Angeles 5. Washington (6-5) 14-34, Chicago San Fran.

SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: Washington (6-5) at San Fr’isco (6-5).

THE SECRET OF NEW ORLEANS’ SUCCESS?: Saint General Manager Jim Finks, on the multiple substitutions during NFL games: “I have a tough time figuring out who’s in the game.”

NOW-HE-TELLS-US DEPT.: Tampa Bay quarterback Vinny Testaverde, who leads the NFL with 26 interceptions, recently revealed that he’s partly color-blind and has asked the Bucs to change their home jerseys from orange to white next season.