He Was Dazzled by Bright Lights

Spike Dykes, football coach at Texas Tech, came from a town in Texas so small that he was dazzled by the bright lights when his father took the family on a visit to Clovis, N.M.

He told Al Carter of the Houston Chronicle: “My daddy put us up in this hotel with two silver doors at the end of the hall.

“I said, ‘Daddy, what are those?’

“He said, ‘Damned if I know.’

“So we stood and watched as this older woman pushed a button and the door came open and the woman went in, and the numbers above the door went up 2-3-4 and then came down again. And the door came open again and out stepped the best-looking woman you ever saw in your life. And my daddy said to me, ‘Go get your ma, son. I want to run her through this thing one time before we leave.’ ”

The Raiders have scored only 1 touchdown in the last 14 quarters, but at least they’re getting some field goals. In 1981, the year after they won the Super Bowl, they went 3 straight games without scoring a point. They suffered losses of 16-0 to Detroit, 17-0 to Denver and 27-0 to Kansas City before beating Tampa Bay, 18-16.

They were 2-4 after 6 games and wound up 7-9.

The subject was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Tree Rollins of the Cleveland Cavaliers told Jerry Sullivan of Newsday: “I’ll never forget the first time I played against him down in Atlanta.

“I was your typical rookie, all hyped up, and like everybody else, I wanted to block that skyhook. And I blocked the skyhook. I finally got it. And then he politely threw in 7 in a row. Yes, he did. And I said, ‘Well, that’s the last time I try to block his skyhook.’ ”

Trivia Time: In 1977, when Notre Dame won its last national championship, how did Coach Dan Devine surprise USC even before the kickoff at South Bend? (Answer to follow.)

The Hat Trick: Said Julius Ward, a freshman forward from Crenshaw High School, after quitting the basketball team at Northern Arizona: “I don’t like the school, I don’t like the team and I don’t like the coach.”

Did you hear the one about the duffer who came racing into the clubhouse and told the pro that a terrible thing had happened?

“I shanked a drive out onto the road and it smashed through the windshield of a bus,” he said. “The driver lost control, crashed head-on into a police car and both rolled down the embankment. What should I do?”

“Well,” the pro said, “try opening up your stance more and hitting off your left heel.”

Lee Trevino, on the shoes that manufacturers give to golfers to promote the product: “Where were they when I needed shoes?”

Former PGA champion Dave Marr, on PGA Commissioner Deane Beman: “He’s not somebody you want to be driving cross-country with and have the car radio go out.”

Trivia Answer: The Irish came out in green jerseys. They routed the Trojans, 49-19, as Joe Montana threw 2 touchdown passes to Ken MacAfee and ran for 2 more scores.

Quotebook

Pat Cummings of the Miami Heat, asked what a power forward is: “He’s the kind of guy who does a lot of the dirty work and does a little bit of the stuff that’s illegal.”