REPORT CARD / T.J. SIMERS : Phoenix Seemed Like Last Semester

B+ / QUARTERBACKS: Bob Gagliano has a Ross Perot-like night: Lots to like until you realize he has no shot at being commander in chief. Stan Humphries’ arrival means Jeff Graham may need help from Billy Graham to earn practice time.

A / RUNNING BACKS: Coach Bobby Ross announced Chargers were going to pass the ball instead of running it Friday night. Good thing quarterbacks coach Jack Reilly calls the plays.

C+ / RECEIVERS: Anthony Miller shows signs of life . . . so did Dennis Miller, but then they pulled the plug. Search for Chargers’ No. 2 receiver is like looking for Elvis.

A / OFFENSIVE LINE: Running attack allows these plowhorses to do what they do best. Asking the lugs up front to pass block, however, is still like asking Guns ‘n Roses to play Mozart.

B- / DEFENSIVE LINE: On plane ride here, players watched “The Babe.” Inspired Blaise Winter points to Pats’ offense and knocks it out. Still, this is like asking Craig Shipley to bat cleanup for Padres.

A / LINEBACKERS: Wouldn’t it be nice to be Junior Seau and know each year you are going to Honolulu come February for the Pro Bowl? Steve Hendrickson has saved the day for a team in need of healthy linebackers.

B+ / DEFENSIVE BACKS: Donald Frank missed last bus to stadium--and you wondered why Chargers looked so good. Hold those dog bones for Deputy Dawg, a/k/a The Sheriff, Stanley Richard; he’s beginning to lay down the law.

B+ / SPECIAL TEAMS: Elevator shoes, please for Eric Bieniemy and Carlos Huerta. Pixy pair provide spark, although Bieniemy draws flag for unnecessary excitement.

A / COACHING: One of two things: 1) Patriots stink, or 2) Bobby Ross has what it takes to breathe life into a team that looked dead. One more thing, if you were Bobby Ross, who would you start at QB next week?