Top Ranking Is One of the Perks at This School

THE COLLEGES

The one word that Bill Clinton never mentions in his speeches is “football.” His reluctance is understandable considering the play of the two principal schools in his state.

Arkansas has already notched a loss to The Citadel. And Arkansas State has been swamped, 0-110, in two games under new coach Ray Perkins, who is enjoying the same success he had with his last team (Tampa Bay).

Arkansas State has delved into such a flowerhouse that it’s ranked No. 1 in this week’s Bottom Ten, a scientific poll of embittered ex-coaches, unknowledgeable chemistry professors, burned-out kickers and bar-room foosball players. The poll has a margin of error of plus or minus 75%.

Some Central Michigan (1-1) ticket-holders, meanwhile, are threatening a boycott of the team’s games unless the Chippewas rid their schedule of such patsies as Michigan State (0-1).

The rankings:

School, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Arkansas State (0-2) 0-61, Oklahoma Northern Illinois 2. Michigan State (0-1) 20-24, Central Michigan Notre Dame 3. Texas (0-2) 21-31, Syracuse Healing 4. South Carolina (0-2) 7-45, Arkansas East Carolina 5. Minnehaha (0-1) 30-39, San Jose State Colorado 6. Houston (0-1) Idle Illinois 7. (Tie) USC (0-0-1) Idle Oklahoma 7. Northwestern (0-2) 0-49, Boston College Stanford 9. Maryland (0-2) 10-14, North Carolina State West Virginia 10. Arizona State (0-1) Idle Louisville

11. Notre Dame’s new “Tie One for the Gipper” policy; 12. Baylor (0-2); 13. Oregon (0-2); 14. Columbia (0-0) (may never open season); 15. Arkansas (1-1); 16. Brigham Young (1-1); 17. Duke (0-2); 18. Iowa (1-2); 19. Idle; 20. Ohio State (worst 2-0 team in nation).

Regional Routs of the Week: Oklahoma (2-0) over USC (0-0-1); (Southwest); State Penn (2-0) over Eastern Michigan (0-2) (East).

Worried About Making His Letter? Texas Christian cornerback Anthony Hickman was suspended by the team for two weeks for twice refusing to come off the field in the Horned Frogs’ last game.

Quotebook: Mississippi State Coach Jackie Sherrill, explaining why he had a bull castrated in front of the team before a game against the Texas Longhorns: “None of them (players) knew what a steer was. People say (the Texas mascot) is a longhorn steer. Is that a bull or is he a steer?”

THE PROS

It was a bad week for the New England Patsies and the NFL attorneys, both of whom suffered shutouts. The Patsies fell to the Rams, 0-14, while the out-of-shape attorneys saw the league’s Plan B free agency system overthrown by jurors on a vote of 0-8.

The legal beagles get a bye this week as they prepare an appeal, but the Patsies must play in the pressure-packed Crummy Game of the Week against the new and exciting Seattle Seahawks (0-2), a must-lose contest for both.

Seattle majority owner Ken Behring, who replaced Chuck Knox as head coach in favor of Tom Flores because the team’s offense wasn’t daring enough last year, was rewarded with one long pass against Kansas City on Sunday--with less than three minutes to play. The Seahawks’ receivers have been exciting in their own way, however, dropping 20 short passes in two games.

The Bears, while losing to New Orleans, 6-28, were heartened by the return of William (the Refrigerator) Perry, who has been playing center field for the Atlanta Falcons.

The rankings:

GOING FOR 0-16

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Seattle (0-2) 7-26, Kansas City New England 2. New England (0-1) 0-14, Rams Seattle

BATTLE OF THE BAYS

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Green (0-2) 3-31, Tampa Cincinnati 2. Tampa (2-0) Def. Green, 31-3 Minnehaha 3. ‘Frisco (1-1) 31-34, Buffalo Jets

JOBS ON THE LINE

Coach, Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Handley, Giants (0-2) 28-34, Dallas Chicago 2. NFL Attorneys (0-1) 0-8, Jurors Law Library 3. Belichick, Cleveland (0-2) 23-27, Miami (Fla.) Raiders

Quotebook: Seattle Coach Tom Flores, revealing why Seahawks were so dull against the Chiefs: “The plan going in (was) that we would try to run when they expected pass.”

Look Who Gets Top Billing: At the outset of games at Anaheim Stadium, the public address announcer tells spectators that they are being welcomed by “owner Georgia Frontiere and the Los Angeles Rams.”