THE NFL / BILL PLASCHKE : Quiet Rule Cooked Up to Really Limit Field Goals

As the kicker slowly sinks beneath the NFL horizon--along with good officiating and coaches who wear hats--let us pause to remember what once made kickers so great.

“Preheat the oven to 250 degrees, bake for 10 minutes,” said Gary Zauner, who coaches the Minnesota Vikings’ special teams.

Come again?

“OK, so maybe you don’t need the oven,” Zauner said. “So maybe you put it in the dryer with a towel.”

Put what in the dryer?

“The football,” Zauner said. “It’s long been the secret of the kicking world.”

What has?

“Working the football,” Zauner said. “The reason that field goals are not as long this year, and the reason more are being missed, has nothing to do with the rules everybody is talking about.

“It’s all about kickers no longer being allowed to work up the football.”

According to interviews with players and league officials, Zauner is not kidding.

Don’t blame the lack of long and important field goals this season on the new rules. Those rules have simply reduced the number of attempts.

The reason kickers are no longer heroes is that they are no longer allowed to cheat.

“That could be a reason,” agreed Pete Stoyanovich of the Miami Dolphins. “I don’t know if people are still tampering with the ball, but I know when they do, that makes a difference.”

Stoyanovich might have engaged the Raiders’ Jeff Jaeger in a dramatic kicking duel when the teams meet Sunday.

But if this week is like the season’s previous six weeks, they will probably spend the most important parts of the afternoon staring into that silly sideline net. Here’s the breakdown:

--Of 22 field-goal attempts of 50 yards or longer, NFL kickers have connected on exactly one--Kevin Butler’s 50-yarder for the Chicago Bears.

Last season after six weeks, in eight fewer games, kickers were 23 for 39 in 50-yard attempts.

That’s a 96% decrease.

John Carney of the San Diego Chargers kicked two field goals from 50-plus yards in his first game last season.

--There have been only two game-winning field goals in the final five seconds of regulation play this season--by Carney against the Raiders and Matt Bahr of the New England Patriots against the Green Bay Packers.

After six weeks last season, there had been six game-winning kicks in the closing moments.

But those are merely numbers.

The real story here can be found in the smell of burning pigskin. And the threat of burning money.

While publicly promoting the new rule that returns missed field-goal attempts to the point of the kick--a seven- or eight-yard penalty--the league has been quietly implementing a rule with greater impact.

NFL officials have sent a directive to all teams, threatening a $20,000 fine for tampering with the ball. The fine would not necessarily be charged against the kicker--for some of these guys, that’s just pedicure money--but against working stiffs, such as the equipment managers.

So instead of liberally passing out the 24 game balls that each home team receives during the week before its games, equipment guys are hiding them. For many, the fine would amount to serious money.

And the kickers?

Their goal is to turn a slick, tightly-sewn ball into a softer, baggier one.

“We only use new balls here, nothing tampered--(Coach) Dennis Green would never allow that--and you can tell that when you bring in guys for tryouts,” said Zauner, a noted kicking coach who has run schools that have attracted most of the league’s top kickers.

“A guy who is tampering with the ball looks great on film, and then he comes here and loses five to seven yards a kick,” Zauner said. “And they are a lot less accurate. It happens all the time.”

If you don’t believe him, just look at the record of kickers at the Metrodome this season.

There not only has not been a touchback, but reliable kickers Fuad Reveiz, Jason Hanson and Stoyanovich are three for eight in field-goal attempts there.

“I know that new balls are not hit as well as balls that are broken in, that’s a fact,” Stoyanovich said.

What exactly can kickers do to a new ball? First it is inflated a bit beyond the league’s official limit. The slick surface is then deadened with alcohol to make it more pliable.

The ball is then baked or heated in a dryer, causing it to expand further.

Just before game time, the ball is deflated to the maximum allowed weight so it appears to be regulation.

“But after three or four days of work, after deflation the ball can actually be about an inch wider than normal,” Zauner said. “And it’s much, much softer.”

So without that advantage, kickers will continue to disappear?

Not quite. Expect them to regain that edge as their bravado increases with each week.

Realizing that the new rule is nearly impossible to police, expect to see more balls sneaked into more laundry rooms.

Or expect kickers to use a loophole in the edict that allows balls to be molded to the quarterback’s liking.

Not that Stoyanovich and Dan Marino have the same tastes, but. . . .

“A lot of times, quarterbacks do want balls the same way that kickers want them,” Stoyanovich said. “Not that they talk about it or anything.”

He was speaking during a phone interview, so it was impossible to tell if he said that with a smile. But something makes us think he did.

GOLDEN TOE AWARDS

Nobody else gives awards to kickers, so let us.

They are considered equal to about one-third of a regular player, so this point, one-third through the season, seems as good a time as any.

Mr. Right Award: To the only two kickers who have not missed a field-goal attempt, Eddie Murray of the Philadelphia Eagles and Steve Christie of the Buffalo Bills.

Of course, Murray hasn’t tried anything longer than 41 yards. And Christie hasn’t attempted anything longer than 45.

“I think part of the reason we are missing longer field goals is that guys are feeling the pressure of having the ball returned that extra distance if they miss,” Murray said.

Best Name: Chris Boniol of the Dallas Cowboys had to listen to Coach Barry Switzer mispronounce his name until the final week of training camp. For the record, it’s Bone- yo.

Best Nickname: Michael (Como Esta) Husted of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Toughest Guy Award: Greg Davis of the Arizona Cardinals recently suffered a pulled hamstring. We didn’t know kickers even had hamstrings.

Oldest Guy Award: Bahr of the Patriots is the only active player who played on the Pittsburgh Steelers’ last championship team in 1979.

Phantom of the Hash Marks Award: After declaring Todd Peterson the winner of a seven-kicker tryout to replace Davis, Cardinal Coach Buddy Ryan announced that “Phillips” had finished second in the competition.

There was nobody named Phillips in the competition.

Big Dummy Award: Gary Anderson of the Steelers turned down a four-year contract extension offer this summer that would have averaged $812,500 a year. Instead, he held out for a $1-million annual salary.

After Anderson missed all of training camp, the Steelers decided that a kicker probably wasn’t worth all that money anyway. They rescinded their extension offer and he finally rejoined the team for his original $400,000 salary.

EXPERT OPINION

In town for a charity function this week, original Cowboy Tom Landry showed there is still something left in his holster.

During an interview before he was honored by the players’ union-sponsored Goals for Life education project, Landry was unusually candid. He said that:

--Even though he lives in Dallas, he has attended only two Cowboy games since being dismissed in 1989 after serving as the only coach in the franchise’s then 29-year history.

--He supported Switzer’s recent trips to see his son play college football on the Saturday night before Cowboy home games.

These trips were condemned by former Cowboy coach Jimmy Johnson.

“I don’t see any problem with what Barry did--everybody overplays what happens with a football team on Saturdays,” Landry said. “You go out, you warm up a little bit, then you go to your room and go to bed. I never missed a Saturday, but then, I never had a son playing football then.”

As for Johnson’s criticisms of Switzer, Landry said, “That is the difference between Barry and Jimmy. Jimmy has said that his family values aren’t as strong.”

--He thinks Switzer is doing a good job, and, barring injuries, can do just what Johnson did.

“Jimmy was never a coach who coached, he was a motivator,” Landry said. “Barry is doing the same thing. He has adjusted well to a difficult situation. They can win it all again, but injuries are the key.”

--He gets the feeling that the players like Switzer more than they did Johnson.

“Just from what I’ve read, you hear players saying that they feel like Barry really cares about them and respects them as people,” Landry said. “They are saying it like Jimmy didn’t respect them.”

Landry now works for an investment company headed by his son.

QUICK HITTERS

* THE WAY WE HEAR IT: Amid all the talk that the expansion Carolina Panthers will give their coaching job to the University of Miami’s Dennis Erickson, we bring word of this dark horse:

Dan Reeves.

Believe it or not, there is talk around the league that football’s best active coach is tired of quietly sparring with football’s best general manager, George Young.

Reeves’ New York Giants, who visit the Rams this weekend after two consecutive losses, have recently engaged in locker-room back-stabbing and finger-pointing while realizing that their young defense and quarterback Dave Brown might not be good enough to lead them to the playoffs.

Reeves loves the South, and the idea of building another powerhouse as he did in Denver.

* GO FIGURE: After averaging 46.6 points a game in the first week of the season, last week teams averaged nearly a touchdown less, at 34.7 points a game. That is even less than last season’s mark of 37.4.

Anybody seen that new no-chucking edict by defensive backs enforced lately? Who says the officials aren’t embittered by the new labor agreement?

Some other observations:

--The Kansas City Chiefs, who play in Denver on Monday night, haven’t won there since 1982. Their coach, Marty Schottenheimer, has yet to win there in seven tries. Monday is one day shy of the one-month anniversary of the Chiefs’ last touchdown.

--The Indianapolis Colts have been outscored, 66-3, in the fourth quarters of games this year. They haven’t scored a point in the final 10 minutes of any contest.

--Running back Craig (Ironhead) Heyward said this about his Atlanta Falcons without Deion Sanders, who visits the Georgia Dome with the San Francisco 49ers on Sunday: “This is a new team. We got rid of some things. It’s not a one-man show anymore like it used to be, when they’d go out and do this little prime-time thing.”

How would Heyward know? This is his first year there.

--On announcing that the Green Bay Packers will no longer play at Milwaukee’s County Stadium, where they have appeared sporadically for the last 62 seasons, General Manager Ron Wolf said this of Lambeau Field: “I think we’ve got the best facility there is in the National Football League. You still get a chill when you go out there to play. I don’t know if that’s true when you go play in Milwaukee.” He obviously has never been to Milwaukee in December.

--Charlie Garner, who will play for the Philadelphia Eagles this week in their showdown with the Dallas Cowboys, despite a rib injury, has a chance to become the first rookie in NFL history to rush for 100 yards in each of his first three games.

--Since blowing a lead and losing to the Detroit Lions on a Monday night, the Cowboys have outscored their last two opponents, 72-10. They have scored on the first drive of each of their five games.

--And the Rams and Arizona Cardinals are still the only teams in the league that have not scored 20 points in a game.

* OUR FAVORITE COACH: Twice this season, Bobby Ross has had to pay $5 for parking at San Diego Jack Murphy Stadium after forgetting his pass.

“I sure did,” Ross told reporters. “It was a lady and she didn’t know who I was. And why would she have any reason to know who I am? I just paid and kept going, there was a line behind me.”

* AND THE ANSWER IS, “THE COLTS, CARDINALS, CHIEFS AND JETS”: What are the four teams that had cut cornerback Anthony Parker before he returned an interception 44 yards for a touchdown for the Minnesota Vikings Monday night in New York?

This former World League star, along with other unsung stars such as John Randle, Roy Barker, James Harris and Henry Thomas, is one reason the Vikings represent the NFC’s best hope of stopping the Cowboys.