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CAPSULES AND RANKINGS

Team: 1. Denver (5-1)

Opponent: Baltimore

Comment: So you expected, maybe, the cheatin’ cheeseheads?

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Team: 2. Green Bay (6-1)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: Should be 5-1-1--5 wins, 1 loss, 1 gift from refs.

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Team: 3. San Francisco (4-2)

Opponent: Cincinnati

Comment: Re: UCLA investigations--did Stokes ever have hands?

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Team: 4. Buffalo (4-2)

Opponent: at N.Y. Jets

Comment: We repeat: These guys aren’t very good.

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Team: 5. Indianapolis (5-1)

Opponent: New England

Comment: Colts no longer take bus; require ambulance.

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Team: 6. Pittsburgh (5-1)

Opponent: at Houston

Comment: Call Rams, (314) 982-7267, say one word: Bettis .

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Team: 7. Miami (4-2)

Opponent: at Philadelphia

Comment: A week before Dallas game. Will Jimmy guarantee win?

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Team: 8. Washington (5-1)

Opponent: N.Y. Giants

Comment: Call Rams, (314) 982-7267, say one word: Ellard.

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Team: 9. Dallas (3-3)

Opponent: Atlanta

Comment: Irvin doffs helmet. Why? Everyone saw his mug shot.

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Team: 10. Minnesota (5-2)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: Losses to Buccaneers and Giants. Fontes coaching this team?

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Team: 11. Kansas City (5-2)

Opponent: Beat Seattle

Comment: “Get on the Bus.” What fans would like to tell Bono.

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Team: 12. Houston (4-2)

Opponent: Pittsburgh

Comment: Chandler? McNair? Does it matter who hands off to George?

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Team: 13. Philadelphia (4-2)

Opponent: Miami

Comment: No offensive TDs in six quarters; Detmer has played six quarters.

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Team: 14. San Diego (4-2)

Opponent: Oakland

Comment: ABC sending blimp in case Mims gets third sack.

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Team: 15. Detroit (4-3)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: Three Stooges: Fontes, Mitchell, guy who keeps Fontes.

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Team: 16. Carolina (4-2)

Opponent: New Orleans

Comment: Call Rams, (314) 982-7267, say one word: Greene.

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Team: 17. New England (3-3)

Opponent: at Indianapolis

Comment: Bledsoe: Time to begin. Why didn’t coach think of it?

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Team: 18. Oakland (3-4)

Opponent: at San Diego

Comment: Raiders on Monday TV, in family hour, three times in eight weeks.

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Team: 19. Baltimore (2-4)

Opponent: at Denver

Comment: Go back to Cleveland.

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Team: 20. Jacksonville (3-4)

Opponent: at St. Louis

Comment: The expansion challenge; Carolina scored 45 on Rams.

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Team: 21. Seattle (2-5)

Opponent: Lost to K.C.

Comment: Last winning record? Knox was coach, Bush president.

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Team: 22. N.Y. Giants (2-4)

Opponent: at Washington

Comment: Watching Brown brings Chaplin to mind.

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Team: 23. Chicago (2-5)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: Bears blame woes on injuries, Clinton, Alomar, planet alignment.

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Team: 24. Arizona (2-4)

Opponent: Tampa Bay

Comment: Kent Graham looking good. Who is Kent Graham?

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Team: 25. New Orleans (2-5)

Opponent: at Carolina

Comment: Two straight wins ignite “Mora, coach of year” campaign.

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Team: 26. Cincinnati (1-5)

Opponent: at San Francisco

Comment: Monday on Jerry Springer, “My wife thinks Shula can coach.”

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Team: 27. St. Louis (1-5)

Opponent: Jacksonville

Comment: Call Rams, (314) 982-7267, and just laugh.

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Team: 28. Tampa Bay (1-5)

Opponent: at Arizona

Comment: Dilfer plays like QB; his 15 minutes of fame are gone.

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Team: 29. Atlanta (0-6)

Opponent: at Dallas

Comment: Bring back George and make this a Stephen King novel.

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Team: 30. N.Y. Jets (0-7)

Opponent: Buffalo

Comment: What to watch? Jets, or Yankees in World Series?

THE POLLS: Associated Press and USA Today/CNN--C12