The Year of the Little Leaguers (No, Not the Vigilantes)

Some fleeting pre-holiday thoughts:

* Stanton wants to change its name. No need to think of a replacement. With a nod to a certain rock star, how about “The City Formerly Known as Stanton.”

* His heart was probably in the right place, but Lathrop Intermediate School Principal Greg Rankin flunked a recent test. While on her way to school last week, a Lathrop eighth-grader was abducted, raped and then dropped off in a park. Rankin’s letter to parents began: “Yesterday, one of our students was forced by strangers to get into their vehicle on the way to school. The student was returned safely to her family soon after, but we cannot minimize our concern for the safety of your children.”

Returned safely? I can understand not wanting to frighten parents, but rapists are frightening people, and Rankin picked the wrong time to euphemize.

* While hailing one Little League operation in Mission Viejo, I wonder about the future of the other one--the Vigilantes. This hurts me, because I predicted a few months ago that the Vigilantes would be a draw in South County. After attending a couple of games, though, I wonder.

The last time I went, there were hardly enough people in the stands at game’s end to form a vanpool. Worse yet, the choreographed silliness that is crucial to operations like the Vigilantes wasn’t clicking. How does selling candy bars for $2 entice people to come out to watch minor-league baseball?

* I’m sure many people are turned off by the Kennedy clan in Massachusetts. Actually, so am I, but don’t you secretly wish we had our own dysfunctional political dynasty here in Orange County?

* Not that anyone asked, but I’ve solved one of the most pressing issues of the day: what to do about the designated hitter in baseball. My suggestion is to eliminate it, except in extra innings. Yes, that means we wouldn’t see much of it, but that’s good. But retaining it in extra innings would add an element of fun to the game and wouldn’t burn up a pitching staff.

* Don’t let your local school board turn the bilingual-education debate into a demagogic issue. Take whatever position you want but realize that education, immigration and population growth go hand-in-hand. In their 1994 book, “How Many Americans?,” authors Leon F. Bouvier and Lindsey Grant note that fertility rates are more closely tied to education levels than racial groups.

While noting that nonwhites generally have higher birthrates than whites, the authors write that “there is evidence . . . that Hispanic fertility falls in the second generation and where some assimilation has occurred. As immigrants and their descendants become more proficient in English--a good indicator of acculturation as well as increased education-- fertility falls.”

* When I was a boy, stories abounded about indignant English teachers protesting CBS-TV’s use of Dizzy Dean as a baseball announcer. Ol’ Diz never saw a participle he couldn’t dangle or a pronoun he couldn’t misplace. Are there no English teachers left in Orange County, or do they just not listen to Sparky Anderson doing Angels games? He makes Diz sound like Benjamin Disraeli. From my unofficial survey, Sparky’s favorite phrase is “That don’t mean nuthin.”

* Just wondering: Are the people who were so sure we needed the San Joaquin Hills toll road the same ones insisting we need a new airport?

* What’s not to like about the proposed resort for Crystal Cove? People who can spend $225 and up for a night on the beach simply don’t have enough places to go in this county.

* Let’s see a show of hands for those of you who would watch an entire Orange County Board of Supervisors meeting, should they ever decide to get with the program and televise one. Me neither, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea. Some supes think the public would showboat with the camera on. I wonder where the public would get an idea like that.

* A friend wonders if this place shouldn’t be renamed Orange Cone-ty. “Every street is under repair, every highway is like a one-line bridle path through a dense forest,” he says. He exaggerates, needless to say: Anaheim is the only city where every street is under repair.

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by calling (714) 966-7821, by writing to him at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or by e-mail at [email protected].