punch lines

Movie Classics: Orson Welles’ 1958 masterpiece “Touch of Evil” starring Janet Leigh and Charlton Heston has been reedited and dubbed. “Among the new scenes is a 14-minute speech by Heston extolling the benefits of membership in the National Rifle Assn.” (Bob Mills)

Video Victims: The two most talked about videos are “Titanic” and the tape of President Clinton’s testimony. “One is about an awful mistake that caused a horrible tragedy. The other is about an ill-fated ship.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Reunited: So far, the reviews haven’t been good for Roseanne’s new daytime talk show. “Adding insult to injury, producers have suggested as a rating boost that Tom Arnold sign on as co-host.” (Andrew Wisot)

A Rough Cut: The people behind “There’s Something About Mary” are planning to edit a cleaner version so more kids can see it. “Hope they don’t mind watching a 28-minute movie.” (Wisot)

Dynasty: In Kansas, an estate without running water and electricity recently sold for $90,000. “Wow, can you imagine what the Unabomber’s place would go for?” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Spice It Up!: The British tabs are reporting that Sporty Spice Mel C has secretly been dating Red Hot Chili Peppers’ equally sporty singer Anthony Kiedis. “The last thing red hot chili peppers need is more Spice!” (Premiere Radio)

Wired Up: Richard Simmons has come out with his own line of dolls. “They’re windup dolls that are already wound up.” (Cecera)

A Flashy Performance: Singer Grace Jones was tossed out of Disney World for baring her breasts during a performance at the amusement park. “The good news for Grace? She’s been invited to perform at the White House.” (Premiere)

Disney Stock: As demand for Disney-related consumer products tumbles amid the world’s financial crisis, the value of Walt Disney Co. stock plummets. “That can mean only one thing: The next time you’re at Disneyland, snow cones, $15. (Jerry Perisho)

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