Zeppelin and Eminem Parodies? Word!

If you call the Christian parody band ApologetiX a novelty act, you’re about five centuries behind the times.

Martin Luther, the 16th century church reformer, was the “Weird Al” Yankovic of his day--minus the humor. The father of the Reformation took scores of popular songs--hits of the 1500s--and rewrote the lyrics to reflect biblical themes. His goal: to create hymns that Protestant congregations could sing lustily from the pews, something not done in the Catholic Church at the time.

“Next to the Word of God, the noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world,” Luther wrote. “It controls our thoughts, minds, hearts and spirits. A person who ... does not regard music as a marvelous creation of God must be a clodhopper indeed and does not deserve to be called a human being; he should be permitted to hear nothing but the braying of asses and the grunting of hogs.”

J. John Jackson, an evangelical Christian and co-founder of ApologetiX, shares Luther’s love for combining trendy music and Scripture into consumer-friendly songs.

For more than a decade, Jackson has been rewriting lyrics of hits from artists ranging from AC/DC to Led Zeppelin to an increasingly appreciative audience.

“Keep the Change,” the 2001 CD by ApologetiX, climbed into the top 15 on Christian music’s bestseller list with song parodies such as “Babylona” (from the Knack’s “My Sharona”) and “The Real Sin Savior” (from Eminem’s “The Real Slim Shady”).

And hopes are even higher for the Pittsburgh-based band’s seventh CD, the 20-track “Grace Period” that will be released later next week on the band’s own label.

“Whenever an new album comes out, we jump on it,” said Michael Shishido, the program director at KAMI-FM (95.5), a Christian rock station in Honolulu. “Our listeners just eat it up. A lot of the words are relevant to a Christian, and it’s just downright funny.”

As part of a nationwide tour, ApologetiX will give a free performance at Saddleback Community Church in Lake Forest on Aug. 29, playing songs from its latest release, including Train’s “Drops of Jupiter” (“Drop of Lucifer”), the Village People’s “YMCA” (“YHWH,” a Hebrew reference for God), and David Bowie’s “Suffragette City” (“Sufferin’ Just Finished”).

Some of ApologetiX’s songs are just this side of silly, like “Baa! We’re Lambs,” taken from the Beach Boys’ “Barbara Ann”:

Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa we’re lambs

Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa

I’m a lamb--in God’s hand--I’m a lamb

He’s got a flock of lambs who know Him

Robbers cannot steal ‘em from His hand

Others, like “Cornelius” (Simon and Garfunkel’s “Cecilia”), earnestly tell the story of an obscure biblical character. Cornelius was a Roman soldier whom the Apostle Peter converted to Christianity.

Cornelius--was favored by God

He prayed to Him constantly, daily

Oh, Cornelius was in the army

A pagan believer from Rome

Cornelius! An angel from God

Came straight to the spot he was praying

Oh, Cornelius! Acts 10 in verse 3

The angel said Peter must come to your home

And a few were written as mnemonic devices to help Christians memorize parts of the Bible or names of the apostles. “La Bible” (its genesis was Ritchie Valens’ “La Bamba”) takes listeners through all 66 books of Scripture, a godsend to Sunday School teachers everywhere.

“It’s a concept that is incredibly cheesy,” said Matthew Turner, editor of CCM magazine, which reports on the Christian entertainment industry. “But they do it really well.”

Adds Jackson, 38: “Whether you think it’s hokey or not, you’re going to listen.”

Jackson, a veteran of garage and bar bands who became a born-again Christian in 1988, initially wrote the parodies for himself for two reasons: to better his guitar playing and to learn verses of Scripture by heart.

He soon began playing the songs for his Bible study group, where he hooked up with the future band’s lead guitarist, Karl Messner. After a few years, they formed ApologetiX (which took its name from “apologetics,” meaning a formal defense of the faith) and nervously debuted in a Pittsburgh coffeehouse in 1992, unsure of how the crowd would react to their mix of rock ‘n’ roll, Scripture and humor.

“I didn’t know how we would be received,” Jackson said. “But the people went nuts.”

Through word of mouth, ApologetiX was booked, usually for free, at other events: gigs at churches, Christian bookstores and birthday parties.

Three years later, they made their first television appearance on a local Christian show, and in 1997 released their first CD. The band now has 15,000 e-mail subscribers who get updates on the group. The band will play 100 dates on the road this year.

The band also received a heaven-sent gift in 1994 from the U.S. Supreme Court. The justices ruled that the rap group 2 Live Crew was allowed to parody Roy Orbison’s “Oh, Pretty Woman” without permission and without paying royalties, allowing groups like ApologetiX to record any song they liked if the lyrics were changed.

Unlike Yankovic, ApologetiX doesn’t receive permission from the spoofed artists or pay them royalties.

“In the perfect world, there would be a compulsory licensing system,” Jackson said, “where you could pay a flat rate for any song.”

But he says the legal red tape and artists’ sensitivities make it impractical for his band to get permission.

And besides, he wonders, why is music so different from other parody-rich fields?

“I grew up reading Mad magazine and watching ‘Saturday Night Live,’ ” he said. “They make their living spoofing things. I want to be seen as having some kind of talent and not looked at as some parasite.”

The band, whose members are married and range in age from 32 to 44, can mimic a wide variety of artists from rapper Shaggy to Elton John with varying degrees of accuracy. The hardest part, Jackson says, is shoehorning biblical lyrics that rhyme into familiar melodies.

“There’s some meaty teaching in there,” said Jackson, adding that he has apologetics experts look over his lyrics for theological errors and taste. “I don’t want to offend God.”

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Band on a Roll With the Rock of Ages

Samples from Scripture-based lyrics by ApolgetiX, a Christian parody band:

“Monkey Scheme”

(Parody of “Theme From the Monkees”)

Here they come -- talkin’ down at me

I get the funniest looks ‘cause--I said I don’t believe

They say we were monkeys

They think they’re sayin’ something profound

But where’s their missing link at?

There weren’t any bodies found

“Daniel”

(Parody of “Daniel” performed by Elton John)

Daniel’s with lions tonight in a cave

I can see their red pale eyes testin’ his faith

Oh, and I can see Daniel waitin’ to die

God, it looks like Daniel--won’t be around in my life

They say it’s a pity though I can’t intervene

Daniel, just was the best slave who ever served this king

Oh, and, even so, I can’t change the law

Lord, I’ll miss Daniel--Oh, I’ll miss him so much

Oh oh oh--Daniel, my governor

You are bolder than me--do you still feel so brave?

Are you more than a meal?

You’re wise and kind--but you face roarin’ lions

Daniel, will they starve? Will your faith save your life?

“Story of a Squirrel”

Parody of “Absolutely (Story of a Girl)” performed by Nine Days

This is the story of a squirrel

Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world

And while things looked so dark and Noah’s ark

Was absolutely flooded--yet she’s fine

How many days were they there?

Afloat in the boat it was over one year

And how come the world didn’t prepare? Meteorologists said it would clear

How could they stand that raining?

Where was the hope in the souls of the crew?

Life on the waves is severe

When it’s Gilligan’s Island combined with a zoo

But Noah was aware the world would get sprayed

And the rain would never fall in quite the same way

But two of every creature would come out of things OK

“Love the Jews”

(Parody of “Love Me Do” performed by the Beatles)

God loves the Jews--You know I have proof

Our Lord was one too--So please love the Jews

John was a Jew--and Mark and Matthew

They all were but Luke--So please love the Jews