Good luck snagging a plus-one

Praise the Tylenol and pass the Motrin. It’s Oscar party weekend!

The awards-weekend party scene feels slightly low-key this year with studios such as Warner Bros., Universal and Focus Features holding “private” pre-Oscar filmmaker get-togethers for “friends and family” with “no press.”

The always star-studded Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Science’s Governors Ball will be held after the award show in the Kodak Ballroom high atop the Hollywood & Highland complex. Literally every guest, presenter and nominee piles in there first to pay respects to the academy, toss back the bubbly and scarf food before heading out to the next bash.

Next there’s the most coveted ticket: the Vanity Fair after-party at Morton’s in West Hollywood. But attendance is even more limited this year with a drastically cut-back guest list. “Asking for a plus-one is like asking for a gold bullion,” said one VF guest who wanted to actually bring a date.

Expect all the big celebrities to show up with entourages, especially George Clooney, Patricia Clarkson, Viggo Mortensen, Eric Bana, Natalie Portman, Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Terrence Howard, Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon.

Then there’s the always entertaining 14th annual Academy Award party that benefits the Elton John AIDS Foundation, thrown by John and David Furnish. The shindig will be held on the Pacific Design Center’s outdoor plaza with a cocktail reception, five-course dinner party and a performance by Grammy winner John Legend.

A new entry on Sunday’s post-party slate is Us Weekly/Rolling Stone’s bash inside the Pacific Design Center, within strolling distance for guests at Elton’s or VF’s crowded bashes. Expected guests include Mischa Barton, Paris Hilton, Ludacris, Jessica Alba, Molly Sims, Rose McGowan, Amber Tamblyn, Shane West and Macy Gray.

Clooney, Clooney, Clooney, enough!

It’s not enough that George Clooney has three Oscar nominations: one for directing “Good Night, and Good Luck,” another for co-writing the “Good Night” script, plus one to spare, for his supporting role in “Syriana.”

Now comes news that Clooney will join the prestigious Oscar presenter ranks -- Hilary Swank, Jamie Foxx, Morgan Freeman, Jessica Alba, Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson, Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock, Will Ferrell, Queen Latifah, Terrence Howard, Meryl Streep, Will Smith, Steve Carell, Nicole Kidman and Lily Tomlin -- at Sunday’s Academy Awards show.

And he’ll probably show up wearing a classic Armani tux. “I’ve been wearing the same tux for 10 years,” Clooney admitted backstage at the January Critics Choice Awards.

But I’ve heard rumors he may get himself fitted for an Armani brand new tux this year.

Three big Oscar nods and a presenter gig? Go wild, George, you old fashion hound!

They kissed; now McMullan tells

Want to feel what it’s like to be inside the infamously exclusive Vanity Fair Oscar party?

Check out “Kiss Kiss,” the new photo book by the mag’s official party photographer, Patrick McMullan. The 340-page collection features images of Hollywood’s hottest kisses, taken during his 30-year career shooting stars at swanky parties and fashion fetes.

“There is definitely an excitement during Oscar weekend in Hollywood that’s unsurpassed,” McMullan says. “Everyone is all dressed and looking their best, they’re happy, excited and they all ‘kiss up,’ sometimes as a way of showing how close they are to someone important.”

His book, which has an introduction by gossip columnist Liz Smith, documents Ashlee and Jessica Simpson’s perfectly posed double-truck air kiss, Gwyneth Paltrow hair-kissing Julia Roberts, Elton John smooching Elizabeth Taylor’s bejeweled paw, Ben Affleck nose to nose with Jennifer Lopez and Alan Cumming chewing on Rachel Weisz’s shoulder.

And there’s an entire section featuring stars kissing their pups.

Before the VF bash, McMullan was planning to shoot Larry Gagosian’s Gallery (Christopher Wool exhibition) opening Thursday; Matt Dillon, Adrien Brody, Kirsten Dunst, Dennis Hopper and Ed Ruscha were expected to pop in.

“I always make sure to have plenty of Duracell batteries with me,” McMullan says. “ The worst thing for a photographer is seeing the perfect moment and having your batteries die.”

But who sent out the press release?

Talk show host Jimmy Kimmel opened the 43rd annual ICG Publicists Guild Awards luncheon by saying grace.

“Thank you, Lord, for this food and these gifts,” Kimmel said at the podium Wednesday, his head bowed. “Please watch over us and forgive us for all the lies we told Us Weekly last year. And please forgive us for all the lies we’re going to tell Us Weekly next year.” Amen.

He spoke admiringly of the work of all the powerhouse publicists packing the Beverly Hilton’s International Ballroom.

“It’s been an incredible year for all of you,” Kimmel said. “You’ve changed illicit affairs into love stories and turned eating disorders into diet tips. You even changed Tom Cruise from a couch-jumping lunatic into a man deeply in love with a woman one of you in this room set him up with.”

“Desperate Housewives’ ” Teri Hatcher also got gushy when she presented the television showman of the year award to her friend Stephen McPherson, president of ABC prime-time entertainment.

Marcia Gay Harden actually read a poem she’d written for her special person titled, “My Publicist Always Wears Black.”

Snead writes Styles & Scenes as a blog for TheEnvelope.com, The Times’ awards site.